Horizons

We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon - Franklin D. Roosevelt

In my time at sea, I spent many an hour on lookout watching horizons. Staring dreamily, I would let my mind wander and there were moments when the horizon seemed to expand. It was almost as though I had an aura emanating from my body mingling, combining, intertwining..... harmonising, with all the eye can see. Scale was lost as I became the sky and the sky me. It was an odd but reassuring feeling, one of belonging, significance, almost importance. I, little ole me, was part of this magnificent machination. My pneuma roamed free and I no longer felt alone. How could I feel lonely when I was part of this?

This was particularly true at night when darkness filtered out unnecessary visual distractions and put emphasis on celestial bodies dotted around the sky. The onset of night was a treat in itself, never are night and day so beautiful as when they meet to hand over the reins, they compliment each other. I have watched the sun rise from the top of a mountain, A six hour drive, a two hour trek, and a four hour climb in darkness, for a few seconds of pure liquid gold as the sun rewarded my efforts and signalled a new day. Dawn on a mountain is special but for dusk I preferred an open ocean.

Sunsets anywhere can be awe-inspiring but I was more fascinated with a somewhat less spectacular phenomenon I've only seen at sea. It was a small green flash as the sun dipped below the horizon. A goodnight wink from the sun as twilight finally succumbed to darkness.

We steamed through the nights, unerringly heading for the elusive horizon, like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick. It never occurred to me back then the horizon was unattainable, just something we followed to get to a destination. The horizon isn't a constant, it is like a rainbow's end. You can never get there. Instead of chasing the pot of gold we should concentrate more on the journey, that alone determines who we are. On many a dark stormy night with thick black clouds blocking the celestial beacons, the horizon was invisible. It was then a case of lowering sights and concentrating on maintaining direction.

Stormy nights could be disconcerting but thick fog was eerie. Sound and depth of vision are mysterious as they chop and change in a heartbeat. Every sense is alive, alert to danger. The hairs on your neck stand on end as your eyes become almost useless and you strain every other sensory organ to compensate.

You can't see an end to the fog and start to believe it will be with you always. Then without warning it lifts, clarity ensues, and your horizons broaden once more.

Fix You

Since my diagnosis I have researched autism because my only 'knowledge' of autism came from two films, Rain Man (1988) and Mercury Rising (1998). Although the films did give an insight into some of the difficulties of those with autism, it was just a keyhole view. My doubts about my own autism stem from the fact I found out autism is genetic, meaning someone in my family had it before me. Then I realised it is actually quite possible.

My mother had some 'eccentric' ways. She told me quite openly that as a baby I rarely cried and it must have felt to her like she was missing out on nurturing. Consequently she used to pinch me to make me cry, just so she could nurse and soothe me (small wonder I'm so bloody confused). Her father, my grandfather, spent his last years in an asylum but it was generally attributed to his experiences as a POW during WWII. These peculiarities might indicate a genetic anomaly but nothing is concrete.

When I was a kid conditions like ADHD, ADD, Asperger's and indeed ASD and TBI were unknown. PTSD was simply known as 'shell-shock' (or cowardice if you went back even further). Nowadays it seems that every man and his dog has some kind of disorder. Back in the day our parents tried to beat the behavioural problems out of us, thankfully those days are long gone but I do wonder if we have gone from one extreme to the other.

It would be wrong to blame the health service, education or even parents for failing my ilk because of the lack of knowledge on such things and kids of my time were 'to be seen and not heard'. We were simply not allowed to be weak or complain. When I left school I stopped going to see specialists whom I felt did nothing. I was only seeing an Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist who was more concerned with my headaches, tinnitus and impaired hearing than any behavioural problems.

As a result I slipped through the net simply because I refused to accept I was damaged. My childhood was spent in self-inflicted isolation due to an inability to express my feelings in a manner others didn't find strange. The few friends I had called me crazy and I thought they were joking although I knew I was 'eccentric' and my thought process was different to theirs, but I didn't feel crazy. I tried ti hide my condition in a futile attempt to 'fit in' and became quite good at it. Most people I met never knew about the problems I faced on a daily basis.

However with my advancing years and David Cameron lying through his teeth about the government addressing mental health issues, I believed it was time to do things properly. There was a huge campaign to remove the stigma associated with such conditions but it didn't work. In my experience, coming out about my condition was the worst thing. I hadn't slept properly for decades unless in a stupour and thought somewhat foolishly I could be cured of the headaches, the tinnitus, the nightmares and ultimately the loneliness.

The movies I mentioned above did little to indicate how an autistic person thought or felt. In my ignorance I was left with the impression the characters were damaged individuals with little coherent thought - and some quite extraordinary abilities. This is simply not true. I drew comparisons with my own condition and began to understand, and it made me wonder if others were as ignorant as me.

I now see autism as a kind of protective shell and inside is a person with feelings and emotions just the same as anyone else. Because they cannot communicate properly doesn't mean they cannot think or that they lack awareness. I really do not know enough to be able to comment with authority on the matter, I'm simply giving my experience of the disorder. 

More needs to be done to raise awareness about Autism and the other conditions mentioned here. People need to be educated and the government needs to fulfil its promises. Maybe then humanity can regain a little compassion and we can move forward as a species.

Think Positive

Superstitions in general are just a matter of common sense. For instance it makes sense you shouldn't walk under a ladder - there's the chance someone working up the ladder could drop something on your head. Opening an umbrella in the house is bad luck not least because of the chances of poking someone in the eye or knocking things over.

Other superstitions can be irrational and nonsensical. Among these are ones that involve various animal body parts. The Japanese believe if you carry a piece of snake skin in your wallet you will become rich or find money. A rabbits foot is carried for luck and finding a horseshoe is lucky. The snake, rabbit and horse couldn't really be termed lucky though.

Whistling is much maligned in different superstitions. Once associated with a happy person, it is also a tendency of the nervous. An English superstition is where women are discouraged from whistling 'a whistling woman never marries'. At sea it was considered bad luck because you in effect 'whistled up the wind' and the advent of a storm. In Japan it is believed whistling summons the spirits of the dead. In Russia and Kazakhstan bad luck surrounds whistling but just in the home. In Russia they believe it frightens away the guardian angels who protect your home whilst in Kazakhstan they never whistle inside a house for fear of bringing poverty to the owner.

Another one that particularly irks me is triskaidekaphobia or more precisely paraskevidekatriaphobia (fear of Friday 13th) . Having been borne on Friday the 13th I can't see the problem - it never did me any harm. Actually it is quite strange in my case because I have always been lucky in an unlucky way. I do seem to get into bizarre situations which normal people don't, but in the main I come out of them relatively unscathed.

The origins of this superstition are hazy.

On Friday 13 October 1307, the Knights Templar were ordered to be arrested by Philip IV of France. The theory has been suggested, in the book Born in Blood: The Lost Secrets of Freemasonry by John J. Robinson, that the Templars went underground among masons in England and later developed into Freemasons. Because most of the founding fathers of the United States of America were Freemasons, it is possible the memory of the terror of that day is preserved in the Friday the 13th.

Then of course there are the usual references to the Last Supper with there being 13 in attendance on a Friday but it isn't just a Christian thing.

Ancient Persians believed the twelve constellations in the Zodiac controlled the months of the year, and each ruled the earth for a thousand years at the end of which the sky and earth collapsed in chaos. Therefore, the number is identified with chaos and the reason Persians leave their houses to avoid bad luck on the thirteenth day of the Persian Calendar, a tradition called Sizdah Bedar.

Triskaidekaphobia may have also affected the Vikings—it is believed that Loki in the Norse pantheon was the 13th god -- more specifically, Loki was believed to have engineered the murder of Balder, and was the 13th guest to arrive at the funeral. This is perhaps related to the superstition that if 13 people gather, one of them will die in the following year.

According to the dictionary, Superstition is an irrational belief arising from ignorance or fear.

I can agree with that but I also believe that superstitions (good or bad) can work in much the same way as a placebo. If you find a four leaf clover and think you are going to be lucky, chances are you will be. Not because of the four leaf clover but because of the positive energy you project.

Conversely if you think you will be unlucky when say a black cat crosses your path, then that will likely be the case as well. This is simply because of the negativity you project.

However, the system is fallible because no matter how positive / negative you may be, the reverse can happen. However, in the majority of cases projecting positive or negative energy will produce positive or negative results. Time to think positive and get lucky!

Grey Area

Ever wonder how a visitor from another world might view human activity? Idano is my Extra-terrestrial friend who granted me an interview, and like all my other friends, he's a bit of a dick......

I suppose I'd better explain how I met Idunno. In effect he came to meet me. It was Halloween and a bunch of trick or treaters came to the door. There was an assortment of superheroes, 2 Supermen, 3 Spidermen, a Batman and even a ballerina. It was therefore no surprise to see a kid dressed up as an alien. Not one ghost! They all took their treats and left, except the kid in the alien suit. He was taller than the rest of the kids and I thought he was looking after them or something. Then he pushed past me and went into the house.

At the time all I could think was how lifelike his costume was. The kid I assumed was a lad, he didn't walk like a girl. Come to think of it, he didn't walk like a lad either. It was a gait that suggested he was having a hard time keeping his feet in contact with the floor. He sat down and I was bemused. Just barging his way into my home and plonking his arse down in my chair. There was something odd about him.

I still wasn't sure if it was some kind of LSD flashback, his outfit looked so real. I slapped myself and didn't wake up, maybe if I slap-

His mouth didn't move. It started to dawn on me this might not be a prank even though it was the sort of thing my friends would do to me because it was exactly the sort of thing I would do to them. I had considered the possibility of meeting an alien one day but now I had one here in front of me it wasn't how I expected. Or is it some kind of elaborate joke? I decided it was time to ask a few questions.

And so it went on. I must say I was a little disappointed. When I finally got to meet an alien I didn't expect it to be such a miserable tosser, and what's with the attitude. It was almost as though he was human or something.......