Thursday, 22 June 2017

It's A Snip

Circumvent Circumcision

I'm pretty much against circumcision, particularly for western civilisation. I mean, who in their right mind would cut a bit of your child's penis off before the poor kid even knows how big it's going to be. It is my belief the practise was founded in the Middle East and was used as a method of preventing disease. If you take countries where water is at a premium and bathing difficult, it is easy to see how yeast infections and other hygiene related problems can occur. It was probably given a religious connotation later on to make it more generally adhered to.

The USA has the largest percentage for non-religious circumcisions at around 85% and it's big business. In depth studies show it is actually harmful and is more likely to cause infections than prevent them. Anyway don't take my word for it, I hired a couple of experts......

"I went to be castrated yesterday"


"Wow, harsh! I'm getting circumcised because I heard it makes sex better"

"THAT was the word I was trying to think of"

Later that day at the doctor's surgery..........

"Take your clothes off please"

"Now what?"

'Bzzzzzzzzzzzz'

"Aaaaargh!!!"

After recovering a little I asked the doctor what he did with the foreskins he removed. He told me they were incinerated so I asked if I could have some as I knew a guy who worked with leather. I thought he could make me a novelty item. 

A week later there had been a run on circumcisions and the doctor told me to come and pick them up. There was a sackful. It was a bit more than expected but I took them anyway. When I gave them to my leather-working friend he told me to come back in a couple of days. It was with a certain amount of excitement I went back to see what he had produced with all those little pieces of skin.


"A wallet?! Is that all, I gave you loads"

"Rub it"



"Wow!"

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Deception 2.3

Taking Abraham's death to be around 1925 BC (I have reservations about longevity given in biblical accounts), the Near and Middle East was in turmoil. Egypt was perhaps the most stable place to be and it was also a good place to look when dating people and events. Fortunately - for our purposes - the family of Abraham would soon return there.

The Aegean migrations were taking place and by the middle of the second millennium BC agriculture was coming of age. The ancients knew all about the seasonal cycles prior to then but had little knowledge on the effects of nutrient depletion by constantly planting the same crops in the same areas. Every 5-7 years this deficiency would cause crops to fail, and that is even without a drought, plague of locusts, etc. When crops failed, problems began.

Egypt was probably less vulnerable with the Nile providing a natural irrigation and sufficient nutrients. The land of Abraham and the Canaanites however were constantly struck by these crop failures. With Abraham and Lot out of the way, Isaac was left to govern. Isaac was a much more relaxed type than his father and he had no desire to use the influence of his father to control the Canaanites. This coupled with the segregation of living outside the cities ate away at the influence Abraham and his clan held in the region.

Isaac had two sons, rough-and-ready Esau and quiet and thoughtful Jacob. They were twins but Esau was born first and favoured by Isaac. Many years pass until Isaac is old and blind. In the tradition of the time he was due to give his birthright to his eldest son Esau but became victim of a deception perpetrated by his wife Rebecca and youngest son Jacob. The biblical account details quite thoroughly how this was done, but it is not really relevant here save for the fact it gives a clear indication of how untrustworthy these people were.

If that wasn't enough, things didn't improve with Jacob either. He had 13 sons by 4 different wives. The penultimate son when youngest was Joseph and he wasn't a nice kid. When I say 'not nice', he wasn't exactly bad, just cocky and devious. Today he would perhaps be described as a spoilt brat. Joseph was his father's favourite and spy, he used to tell tales on his brothers which did nothing to endear him to them. It got to the point where they decided to kill him. A change of mind led to him being sold as a slave to passing merchants on their way to Egypt. The brothers told Isaac wild animals had killed Joseph.

The story of Joseph and his technicoloured dream-coat is well documented and I'm not about to dissect it here. The rape accusation, the dream divination, the drought in Canaan and the re-union of Joseph and his brothers. Long story short, Abraham's clan ended up back in Egypt and once again it proved to be lucrative. My only real interest in them was to establish a timeline link to Moses. This 'study' is a spin-off from Redefining Atlantis and there are strong enough links to be able to tie together timelines of people and events.  It also has to be remembered there is no indication of monotheism before Moses.

Although there is no direct link from Abraham to Moses, there is one to Joshua, allegedly Moses' right-hand man. Below is a list with approximate dates, the 'circa' dates are for the year of birth only:
  • Abraham 2020-1925 
  • Isaac 1950-1870
  • Jacob 1900-1805
  • Joseph 1825-1734
  • Ephraim 1763-1701
  • Beriah  c.1733
  • Tahan c.1702
  • Telah  c.1655
  • Laadan  c.1610
  • Ammihud  c.1590
  • Elishama  c.1570
  • Nun c.1545    
  • Joshua c.1500
The first Santorini eruption was around 1650 BC and some 'scholars' indicate this as the time of Moses but the event of 1450 BC (verified by archaeology on Crete) appears to be more from cone-collapse than another eruption (see Redefining Atlantis). It was this later event that gave rise to the legend of the 10 plagues and the Exodus from Egypt.

Trick-Cyclist

Okay this is a little incident that occurred when I was nineteen years old and working on a cruise ship. Our next port of call was San Francisco and the powers that be, in their infinite wisdom, decided it would be in the interests of science (and Health & Safety) for me to visit a trick-cyclist. At least that's what I thought the Captain said when I accepted the offer.

The 'trick-cyclist' turned out to be one of these head doctors. I didn't care, half an hour of laying on a couch pouring out my woes to a foreign stranger was no biggie. Just like a trip to the corner shop at home really. The icing on the cake was, once cured of the manic depression my brain had yet to pick up on, I could go on a binge in the hippie capital of the world.

However, as with the rest of my life in general, things were not quite so straightforward. This is roughly what transpired and may God strike me down if I lie (come on, you don't answer my prayers don't take me literally now).

I opened the door to the psychiatrist's office and immediately felt ill at ease. For one thing, the guy looked at me like I was a nutter or something. He was big, REALLY big - he was actually fat but I'm learning this new PC thing, haven't quite got the hang of it yet. His bulk was matched by the size of his leather-bound swivel chair and massive desk he sat behind. In stark contrast was the small wooden chair he motioned to.





What happened to the 'lie down and tell me your troubles' then?


I sat perched on the small chair feeling like a Borrower when the guy pulled out a set of cards. They just looked like ink-blots to me. I was puzzled.


If I'm honest they reminded me of getting smacked round the back of the head by a Geography teacher for knocking over a bottle of ink, but I couldn't see the relevance.


I wasn't sure he was quite ready for that but if I was going to get drunk today I needed to humour the person. I took a look at the first picture.....
"A guy with a huge penis"

He handed me another.....
"A couple about to have sex"

Another.....
"Wow, a threesome"



The guy passed me one more card.....
"Conjoined twins..... masturbating"


I was fast losing patience and pointed out to the psychiatrist it was he who was showing me the porn. He gave me a strange look but put the cards away.


I wish I knew what he was thinking



We seemed to have reached an impasse and sat in silence.  You could cut the atmosphere with a knife....



Only when I got caught


Yes

He looked at me sympathetically, I could sense another question coming,

I do it all the time



Touch myself inappropriately


Hmm







I'm hungry. Seriously, you get paid for this?

The guy seemed to be agitated and I could see the veins on his neck trying to burst through the skin.

He pulled out these kiddie blocks and told me to fit them in the correct holes. Really? I mean a joke is a joke but now he was asking for trouble.


I put the triangle into the triangle hole then took up the square and tried to fit it through the circle hole. Naturally it wouldn't fit so I 'encouraged' it. Actually I smashed it as hard as I could with my fist. Splintered wood and brightly coloured plastic shapes flew everywhere.

Square peg round hole. Isn't that why I'm here?

He scribbled something on a piece of paper and put it in a plain brown envelope for me to give to the captain. I had expected psychiatrists themselves to be mentally stable but this guy looked about to have a breakdown. I rose to leave as he rummaged in a drawer. At reception I said goodbye to the girl at the counter and heard a car backfire in the street. It actually sounded like it came from the psychiatrist's office behind me.

Back on the ship the captain looked inside the envelope then at me, quite sternly I thought.



He handed me the note from the psychiatrist