Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Knocks


There comes a time in our lives where enough is enough. Even the meekest person can suddenly grow a pair in certain situations. After adverse incidents in my early teens I put up a barricade. I made a wall and closed everyone out. I was in an alien environment and had nothing to lose. I feared no person more than my father and everyone else paled into insignificance. I would defend my wall come hell or high water!

The problem with such a barricade is the isolation. Suddenly you become a misfit. Too unpredictable to be either a friend or a foe, and people keep their distance. With time for reflection and a dawning realisation that you are a product of how others have treated you, the anger builds within. Why SHOULD you be isolated? What is your crime?

No crime! You have become a victim!

Then there is a difficult road ahead. Either shrivel back into your shell and become a mere shadow of what you could be, or perhaps do as I did and lash out at anyone and everyone who came within range. So the choice is a life of submissive anonymity or aggressive notoriety. Either way you are unlikely to fulfil your true potential. There must be a third option!

I'm not saying let's all go and be rock stars. Nor am I saying we should all be the next sport superstar. But it doesn't hurt to aim high. People get upset if they fall short, many turn and run rather than face the prospect of failure. Don't spend the rest of your life thinking 'what if...'

Set high targets then aim for personal bests. 'A faint heart never won a fair maiden' as grandmother used to say.

Life isn't simple and all but the very few go through life without a fair share of knocks. Those knocks are life experiences. Positives can be drawn from ANY situation. That seems quite an incredible statement. It is to the uninitiated.

Do not grieve for what you cannot change. Learn from the experience as that is the first positive. My grandmother died and I deeply regretted not spending more time with her. Then when my mother was dying I had learned from the experience with my grandmother and I was there for her. It was deeply painful but afterwards, when I drew comparisons with mother and grandmother, I felt good that I did what I could - and she knew.

Perhaps the hardest thing to get over is the self-doubt. When you have been knocked so many times, confidence can be shattered and belief ebbs away. I have found many times in the past I can overcome obstacles without help. I shunned those who tried to help, almost insulted that they must perceive me as weak or helpless, pah! Go away! Leave me alone! I don't need you. It was foolish but the only way I knew.


Eventually I realised how I had become and thoughts went back to my childhood, how it all began, and how much different it could have been. Where is the boy I used to be? Recently something occurred that defies explanation. As a result I found the boy. He had been here all the time! I have set him free now but contrary to what I believed I couldn't have done it without help. Not properly.

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